Forgiveness is a multi-faceted, multi-level issue. IMO, what it LITERALLY means is to get to a point from which you can once again GIVE to the person from whom you presumably were withholding something (good will, maybe? something you have that they actually do need?). For-give-ness is FOR being able to GIVE again, although that's merely the literal sense.
But Rogan's point is well taken: if we had never happened to be exposed to non-Pharma points of view, many of us might have joined in on the madness. In my case, if I had never gone to a deeply analytical grad school, I may not have ever been able to punch through that glass ceiling of ignorance & denial.--and I only decided to further my education because I happened to take one class--one--in my final semester that challenged my world view and left me wanting more. So...forgiveness is an invitation to some humility and gratitude--a there, but for the grace of God, go I sort of thing.
And, speaking of humility, I suspect most of us rarely, if ever, say the words, "You were right; I was wrong". I try to say it once a month; it's good for my character.
In some cases-- most?--when I need to forgive another, it is true that my own dysfunction played a part in the drama, and helped bring harm upon myself AND the other. Turns out I'm just that dysfunctional. They may be unwilling to address their part, but I can make amends for my part. It's funny, but having made amends for my part makes me better able to forgive them for their part--whether they themselves make amends, apologize, or not. Something about that humility, again. It also clears my vision of lingering guilt and shame, so I can see the harm I might cause--and that others might. Christian scripture says, to paraphrase, "Don't condemn the sliver in your neighbor's eye until you take the log out of your own!". Point well taken. But what it implies, without saying so outright, is that, once your own log is out, you'll start seeing others' slivers and logs for what they are.
Does for-give-ness mean any thing more than giving, humility, gratitude and clarity? What it certainly DOESN'T mean is a return to naiveté and passivity, or allowing the other's harmful behavior to continue (assuming it's in our power to do something about it). Should we 'forgive' a pedophile, and in so doing allow them back into our lives when that would mean giving them access to children? Obviously not. We should advertise their perversion, if that will protect children, notwithstanding it might frustrate them and hurt their feelings. Should we forgive Pharma, then fall for the next round of fearmongering and wallet-scouring? Nay.
Forgiveness, should you choose to pursue it, doesn't mean sticking your head back in the sand. It doesn't mean you need to stop protecting those who need protected. Au contraire, if forgiveness is serving its vision-clearing function, then it should make us more likely to effectively protect self and others. Lack of anger in the face of harmful behavior is not normal or healthy, but a certain type and volume of anger may actually impede protectiveness, by creating a kind of static. For instance, we might guzzle a fear-anger cocktail for so long that we get literally tired of it, and perhaps uncomfortable with others' reactions to such a cocktail. So we might "let it go"...without ever having clearly thought things through. Or the cocktail may simply interfere with the calmheadedness that is required to respond in an inspired, decisive fashion.
It's an open question whether forgiving the unrepentant means TRUSTING them. Their very unrepentance implies that trust them you cannot, at least for the time being. It's charitable--assuming you actually are 100% right and good and they actually are 100% wrong and bad--to hold out hope that they might come around--not giving up on them might even encourage them to do so. But this is the charity of saints, which, as a flawed human, I may or may not be able to emulate. It may even do more harm than good to try. But as Rogan notes, if we do not at least attempt to forgive, and rebuild burnt bridges somehow (having to eat at least some of our own crow, I suspect), then we will be stuck in this binary, mutually antagonistic, tribal holding pattern indefinitely--as the Montagues and the Capulets were, leading to Romeo and Juliet, both young and both dead in a mausoleum. Or worse.
Many are confused between optimism and naiveté, passivity and
service--this is by design. The propaganda systems, and acquiescence to
them, has been the water we swim in for many long generations.
Information needed to challenge the message and motives of the powerful
is withheld or twisted, very deliberately, forming a universal, historical and cultural narrative--our mythology, if you will. The resultant peer pressure
is huge--and who among us hasn't caved? Will we cast the first stone, or won't we?
Another facet to discuss about forgiveness (but not nearly the last) is that it cannot be forced. Forced is fake--and who wants to give or get fake forgiveness? It's a PROCESS, and you or I may be unable to simply will it to happen if the habit of unforgiveness runs too deep. It is my own belief that, taken as an end in itself, the drive to forgive leads invariably to the fake version. If, instead, we turn our efforts to HEALING THE HARM within ourselves, to the point where the hurt has abated--then forgiveness, of a sort, follows as a necessary result. In a word: If they can't hurt us anymore (because we have healed), then we won't be so angry and judgemental towards them, no matter what they keep doing or not doing. To take just one example, if the harm is in feeling inferior, then work on NOT feeling inferior!..Even if they came to you on bended knee, confessing all and begging forgiveness--you would still need to do that work, most likely, or the stinging aftertaste of inferiority would remain.
Remember, too: those who practice unforgiveness with others may, at the same time, be practicing unforgiveness against themselves. Judgementalism towards others, and judgementalism towards self, are the same exact action--just turned in a different direction. Do you BELIEVE in punishment, as a principle...really?
Like I said, multifacted, multileveled.
